Actually, Tremors is up there too.
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Today at 2pm the Europa League final will be played between the two worst teams in the Premier League who weren’t relegated. The winner will enter next year’s Champions League and the loser will not be playing in Europe next season. Which is mad.
As a Spurs supporting friend of mine said: I just hope it’s not still 0-0 after penalties.
Currently, only three teams have booked a place in European competition next season: Liverpool and Arsenal will be in the Champions League while Crystal Palace are in the Europa. The permutations for everyone else still in contention - which reaches all the way down to Brentford in 9th (sorry Doyce) - are ridiculous because, for one thing, the number of slots available to Premier League sides is not yet known.
Here’s a primer to make your brain hurt:
Apropos nothing, next year’s Europa final will be in Istanbul. Coincidentally, Turkish Airlines fly twice a day direct from Houston to Istanbul.
Careful: the futbol gods are listening.
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Blasphemy.
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I’m shocked you feel that way!
Broke into the wrong God damn rec room, didn’t ya . . .
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In. To. My. Veins.
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The Europa League final already looks like a bottom-of-the-table clash.
United seem to be intent on injuring all of the Spurs players.
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Has Bruno Fernandes ever lost a ball and not fallen down?
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Spurs go ahead with a hilariously bad goal in which they tried their hardest not to score but Luke Shaw (of Utd) made sure they did.
The movable object meeting the resistible force.
Oh, darn, United won’t be playing European football next year. How will they finance their imperial dreams now? At least they’ll be well-rested for their EPL games.
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Every manager who lost to Spurs or Man Utd in the Europa ought to be fired. That was one of the worst games I’ve seen in a while put together by two of the worst managers.
Yay a trophy!
Chris Richards’ Post-Final Interview:
Monaco F1 qualifying - typically the highlight of the weekend (because the race is normally a procession) - didn’t disappoint. McLaren posted 1 & 2 only for Leclerc in a Ferrari to pip them both for pole position.
But wait! McLaren, who everyone thought went out early out of an abundance of caution to avoid getting fucked by a red flag, had fueled for two “go” laps. Can they ambush Leclerc?
Here comes Piastri…no! Here comes Norris…yes!
Norris took pole from Leclerc at the death by 0.075 seconds. Piastri 3rd. Hamilton in the other Ferrari is 4th. In 5th, 0.7 seconds behind pole - a lifetime in F1 - is Verstappen.
Tomorrow’s race has a new wrinkle in that each car must make at least two pit stops instead of the usual one. So potential is there for a fun race with McLaren’s dithering, Ferrari’s comedy strategy (and team radio) and Verstappen poised to leapfrog everyone off the back of any of the inevitable safety cars.
These young men got tickets to Wembley, missing their father, and had no idea that the Holmesdale Fanatics were about to make them famous.
Also, as always, fuck cancer.
Congrats to Sunderland, who fired their way into the big show with a play-off win against Sheffield Utd.
Tomorrow (Sunday) sees the last round of Premier League fixtures, with European places to be sorted out and plenty of room for the pack to get shuffled at the top. Only Liverpool, Arsenal and Palace have secured European football for 2025/26, so lots to play for with everyone from 3rd to 9th in the hunt.
The games all kick off at 10am CDT, with the meaningful games scattered across NBC’s family of channels and the balance consigned to Peacock. Bizarrely, Liverpool vs. Palace is on NBC despite the very real possibility that it will be played with a beach ball.
But before that all gets underway, the League One playoff happens on CBS/Paramount+ at 7am CDT. Charlton Athletic and Leyton Orient get a day out at Wembley, and try to win their way up to the Championship. On Monday, it will be the League Two play-off, with AFC Wimbledon and Walsall squaring off at 9am on Paramount+. The quality may not be all that, but it could be a barnburner.
Fun Fact: AFC Wimbledon is the fan-created team that formed after former Palace chairman and all-round cunt Ron Noades bought the old Wimbledon FC - erstwhile FA Cup winners - moved them to the godforsaken wilds of Milton Keynes, changed their name to “MK Dons” and proceeded to suck them dry of cash and assets. Ron Noades is dead now, may he rest in piss, while MK Dons came this close to dropping out of the Football League.
Oh, and the Monaco GP starts at 8am on Sunday.
At the end of mass tonight, our 70-ish year old Irish priest had an announcement.to make. He said the worst decision he has ever made was as a nine year old when he picked a football club to follow based on its colors, and yes, that club was Crystal Palace. And the celebration continues…
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