Today’s lineup is brought to you by Fuckitall. When you’re out of ideas on how to beat the worst team in baseball, just call Fuckitall and we’ll come prepare a random lineup for you, complete with multiple off days!
2B Altuve
1B Gurriel
DH Alvarez
3B Diaz
RF Tucker
LF McCormick
SS Dubon
CF Meyers
C Lee
P Javier
Diaz at 3B and hitting fourth has to be an upgrade, right?
He’s been on a tear, so who knows? Fuckitall
Diaz hit a line drive with two on but right at the guy making his first ever major league start at first base.
I think Yuli would tell you he should make that play.
Ok, it’s time for Jake to stop sucking.
Javier hangs it, Vogt bangs it.
1-0 A’s
Piscotty hits the next pitch out.
2-0 A’s
Motherbuttfucker! God dammit!
Only the 2022 Stros could give up BtB bombs to the 2022 As.
2013ish Astros say “Hi”
Are the Astros are the shittiest team ever with a 64 win and 34 loss record?
This ballclub could easily be 70 and 28 if they didn’t sometimes play like shit.
Lee overmatched again, Altuve with a line drive bunt, and Yuli a harmless fly ball.
They have a dangerously annoying ability to not show up when the stakes are lukewarm.
I’m going back to soccer. That may give the good guys a chance.
Javier gets a 1-2-3 in the third, but still trails 2-0.
The chickens are frying, not much else I can do to help the team.
4-3, fly out, fly out from the heart of this Astros lineup. Complete limp bats.
If I ever come across that guy on his phone in the “it’s a lovely day today” commercial, I will go out of my way to run over him.