JV to the IL. Shocking.
I tend to vacillate between negative and positive self talk, or a combination – “I must be a loser because nobody sees how great I am.”
I cannot imagine negative self-talk and have never engaged in it. By das’ definition, I am a loser, but I do not believe I am.
Ha. It’s not a 1:1 correlation but is pretty well understood in psychology circles. If people ever heard my inner dialogue, they’d be shocked.
I am, if not shocked, surprised by “pretty well understood.”
I cannot tell you how jealous I am if this
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My god, same.
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Don’t know why y’all would be jealous. Apparently y’all are the high achievers, and I am not. I have always had lots of self-confidence, and many might say more than is warranted. I do try to own the mistakes I have made and to accept responsibility for them, but berating myself beyond “That’s on you, Jim. You deserve the consequences,” I do not do.
Rare is the man that does not beat oneself down. I’ve gotten better at not doing it but it still happens. I think they, me too, are jealous to not have to deal with that on a regular basis.
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I consider it being my own worst whipping post. Wait a minute, moving in wrong direction. Time to make a course change.
I am not going to say much more because I want you to believe me and to not think me boastful. I have made plenty of mistakes in my life, and I hope I have convinced those I may have hurt I am sincerely sorry for what I did or said. I grew up with a great, loving dad who would show us he loved us and show us he was sorry at times, but he could not say the words “I am/was wrong.” I learned not to copy his behavior in that aspect. I tried to accept responsibly when I erred and to admit to being wrong without excuses.
I have always believed in myself, even when I failed at a task or made mistakes. I have been through two divorces, and I live alone now, so it should be clear to everyone, including me, I am not perfect. I may have more confidence in myself than I should, but I never, ever see myself as inferior. I have never berated myself in the sense of being down on who I am or beating myself up if I have given my best effort and/or tried hard to get along with the other person.
Do not get me wrong: I have plenty of serious conversations with me, and I constantly insist on good judgment and on doing the right thing if I can tell what it is. I tell myself as directly as I am in the TZ how wrong I was or what a mistake I made in word or deed. I encourage myself to do better and to make amends if they are needed and/or possible, but my mistakes do not cause me to think I am less than the good person I try to be. My bad behavior and my bad mistakes are not me, but I must atone for them and accept whatever consequences come.
I am going to STFU now. I probably said too much already. No one should be jealous of me. You have wives and kids at home and successful careers in progress, and I applaud and envy you for that.What I wish for you friends is to get to a place where you never, ever feel badly about yourselves.
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Thanks for sharing Jim.
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Well said Jim
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Coach/Jim, that was genuine, honest, humble, and superbly stated- takes some courage and cajones,
Good on ya, sir.
ETA- if you were infallible, you’d be an airline pilot.
We’re perfect, humble and above all, modest.
Fact.
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“Cojones”.
Aside from the peer-reviewed publication I linked above, there’s a number of additional psychosocial papers linked at the bottom of this podcast as well:
If you have never heard of Hidden Brain, it’s one of my favorite podcasts. They explore the physiological, psychological , cultural and emotional reasons people do what they do, from a scientific standpoint.
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To paraphrase, what is commonly understood is that many people have negative thoughts that adversely impact their lives.
There are many sayings/axioms/philosophies/memes/cat posters that follow from there.
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I am choosing my words carefully, das, because I like you so much. I do not give a damn about that podcast or the principles discussed in it. I am not plagued by negative thoughts about myself or even have them, at night or at any other time. It is all I can do to keep me on the path I have chosen, and I am not going to get within ten miles of analyzing others. I am so fortunate to have friends who are great people, and it distresses me to hear they often think they are not.
There are very few constants in my life, but you, my good friend HH, are one. That is somehow comforting.