First, I’m sorry for what your father, you, and your family is going through.
My own father is now in assisted living as of April (degenerative spine condition: progressive weakness, multiple falls, etc).
The topic is extremely wide-ranging.
When an elderly person can no longer safely live at home, they should no longer live at home. I only say that to reinforce that the conclusion that you’ve drawn is almost certainly the correct one.
Picking a facility: there is no perfect one. AL’s are not hospitals and they are not nursing homes. Experience from friends and family can be helpful (grains of salt applied where applicable). The smell test is a good first line of demarcation.
Cost: they are expensive. The monthly bill is broken down into rent and care. Rent is several thousand per month, care costs depend on how much assistance the resident requires (my dad’s breakdown is $4K rent, 2K care). Medicare does not cover these expenses. If your father has long term care insurance get a claim filed as soon as he moves in.
Expectations: AL’s are not hospitals, nursing homes, or skilled nursing facilities. The staff provide meals and help with medication, transfers, bathing, toileting, etc. They are typically not RNs. Some may be LVNs. Many have no formal licensing. They typically work hard and don’t get paid much to do it. There usually is a home health service that includes a physician to check on residents at some interval.
Expectations 2: the rooms are usually unfurnished. Families will provide bedding, clothing, towels, incontinence supplies, durable medical equipment, etc. Meals are prepared and provided by the facility. Facility also does laundry.
The stuff above is fairly practical. The emotional toll is much harder to write about. It’s heartbreaking but not every moment is sad. It’s exhausting but it’s also allowed me some time to reflect and visit with my dad that I may not have done otherwise.
Feel free to DM me about any of this.